| Getting better (and a explination) |
[Nov. 23rd, 2009|07:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
Ok, I understand now. I know things are bad for people all over and I am not a internet puppet show trying to raise funds or a liar who says they're sick and needs money to come over to the states.
I am me.
Would it be in my character to beg for things? No. And I have been doing that and I am sorry. It's not a matter of furries being selfish and not wanting to help. Things are bad and sometimes furries CAN'T Help.
But a certain bunny.. by the name of jimmy did something small for me today. He animated my icon and he's still working on it... but he at least attempted it as it cost no money to do so.
And I did something that I haven't done in awhile. I smiled.
I will probably have a good cry or three this morning. Can I go to every con and make everyone happy? No. Can I go ahead and get myself a toy or something I really want right now? Heh.. if I can find one for around $200 I can.. but good luck finding a puffy paws husky for that. ;)
Am I stressed about the house and the money I am spending. Yes. However, the money I am spending is going into the house. And I won't post the house photos here. Today appliances come and are installed. I am gonna get a quote on the fence (I will leave home early after I get a call from unemployment.. that's today too that's adding to the stress). But a song popped into my head and that explains everything
"You can't always get what you want.. And if you try sometime you find you get what you need"
And i got what i needed.
Johnny |
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| I need to be cheered up |
[Nov. 22nd, 2009|02:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
Ok, you ask why is Johnny so down and such? Quiz time.
a) No Job
b) Dwindling bank account (bought appliances and other shit for the new house)
c) MFF came and gone and I wanted to go to it.. but couldn't
d) all of the above
The answer of course is d.
Is there things people can do to cheer me up? Sure. Will they? Doubtful. Why?
Because it's everyone looking out for themselves plain and simple. That's it.
The whole lie about furs caring about other furs is just that. A damned lie. People dont' come to other people's aid when they need it.
But you ask, how can you cheer johnny up? What will it take? And to that question I cannot answer. That's up to you. If you can draw or write you could do something.. if you build stuff you could do something.
Furries can do something. Will they or not.
That's a completely different story
Johnny |
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|
| (Rant) People bitching about the FC Hotel |
[Nov. 19th, 2009|05:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
Ok, I marked this as a rant so if you don't want to read it , skip it.
I come on one morning and there are people saying "Hey! I was charged $150 bucks from the FC Hotel! What gives! I don't have the monies and blah blah fucking blah"
I am going to say this once. CLEAR as day.
Before you decide to go to ANY con. READ. I say it again. READ what the hotel's policies are for reserving a room.
It says PLAIN as goddamned DAY on the hotel section of the FC website. And I quote:
Is there any penalty for cancellation of rooms?
We have also instituted a change for hotel rooms being reserved at the Fairmont. Once you make a hotel reservation, you will be required to pay for one room night beginning November 1st, 2009. That means, you have until October 31st, 2009 to cancel your room night without any penalty. After October 31st, you be charged for one room night. Please email hotel[at]furtherconfusion.org with any questions.
That's it. Right there! I don't see people BITCHING when they have to do this for Anthrocon! So why are people going ahead and bitching about this now?
Because furries are mad because they didn't read the fine print. ALSO this isn't Anthrocon. This convention has not been at this hotel for years and years. This is the FIRST year that we are going to be at this hotel. There are going to be bumps along the way!
To the people who have gone to a lot of FC's can you remember back to FC 1999? Was THAT perfect? NO. Did people complain? Yes! Did people go back next year? Of course! If you don't EVER want to go to another FC that's fine. But do NOT make the hotel the scapegoat.. because the information was ALWAYS there in black and white.
You just failed to notice it.
Johnny |
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| Emotional breakdown yesterday |
[Nov. 17th, 2009|07:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
It started Sunday where a few things were bothering me. I lost out on a road rovers cel on ebay because I waited too damn long to post a bid. :( And dinner wound up being served way too late for my liking so I didn't eat and went to bed.
Yesterday I had badgered my mate and he lashed out at me and I deserved it.. sometimes I will say something twice or three times without even thinking about it. And as he got mad I went back into the living room and just stared at the computer and cried for a bit. Things escalated as I wanted to apologize when I got even more upset and went out on the balcony and started to cry.. but then ran back into the bedroom and not just cried.. but sobbed heavily.
Manitou my mate came in shortly afterwards and consoled me and put me at ease. As to why this happened there's lots of factors that I really don't want to go into right now. Have I healed fully from this? For now. It did feel good to get all that out.. but how long is it going to take for that to build up again. And for those that think I have a abusive mate or something like that.. don't.. he treats me very well.. there are sometimes that people get on each other's nerves and somethings going on (i.e. the house not closing atm) is just adding fuel to the fire.
Anyway, if you need to find me or talk to me.. you know how to.. if not note me and i'll pass that info on to you.
Johnny |
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| You don't have to be smart to work at Taco Bell.. |
[Nov. 14th, 2009|12:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  full | ] |
*btw this story isn't saying that ALL fast food workers are stupid. Just the ones in my town are ;)*
..but it sure helps.
Okay I thought today was going to be a wasted day as I got a ticket two months ago and had to do traffic school. I chose to do it online and it took me all of 30 minutes.. I shit you not. Not bad instead of wasting an ENTIRE day in a idiot classroom.
Anyway, thought to go out to Home Depot to look for stuff for the house. They had next to nothing so I leave and go back to a Taco Bell to get some lunch. I go in and order the following.
2 Shrimp tacos (was like 4.98 I think they kept my receipt)
1 nachos bell grande
And the total was like 8 bucks and change. So I get 11 bucks back. Then was told promptly AFTER they took my order and my money.. there was no shrimp tacos.. they stopped selling them.
They offered to give me 4 black jack tacos and I didn't want 4 .. I only wanted 2.
But I didn't even THINK about it. Black Jack Tacos are .89 cents each = 3.60 roughly does NOT equal $4.98!
So I was like ok, give me 2 black jack tacos and the rest of it in change. They're like ok!
So. I wait for my order and they give me all the stuff and I wait for the change
which was $5.45!
so..lets review
11.00 + change + 5.45 = close to 17.00!!
a nacho's bell grande is what? 2-3 bucks? + tax? I made out on the deal. I took my food and the money and LEFT.
Yeah , definately not smart at all. ;)
Johnny |
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| The house is clearing escrow. |
[Nov. 10th, 2009|05:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
On Wensday or Friday.
So in around 2 weeks hopefully by the end of the month. We'll be in our new house! :D
EEEE! :D
Johnny |
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| Is it wrong.. |
[Oct. 26th, 2009|09:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
.. to be asked to be cheered up?
That's a good question I think. Because I can use some of that. I honestly can't think of the last time I was really and truly happy outside of AC and FC this year and those are just.. well.. they're distractions. Ways of forgetting the outside world and just having fun with your friends and such.
So you might ask. Why is Johnny depressed?
Well a few reasons.
1) Unemployment is fucking with me. I had a 800 buck stipend come from them as my apple claim was extended and now it's gone. I am giving them one more day.. and then I call them. It went from 800 every two weeks to 110 every two weeks (who the hell can live on 110 bucks every two weeks!?)
2) Little to no change in the job situation. I got a application for the DMV yeah.. and I placed 6/299 and they asked do you want to work for us? And I did all the steps and mailed it back (needed to be post marked by the 27th and was done last Friday). But yeah.. that combined with 1 is making me a wreck
3) House is going thru. Were getting a house and yeah I am excited but I am also scared. I don't want to get a house and then a month later.. oh .. we can't afford this. I don't want to be reliant on my mother all the time. Yes she wants to help but I feel like I am taking advantage. And every time I call her I have to put a show on like nothing's wrong else she worries.
4) Other furries saying they went here or there.. yeah I know you went to cons and stuff and I am happy for you. But it's f-ing killing me because I can't join in the fun. Yeah I know I have responsibilities and all that.. and I am doing that. I am not going out and spending a fuckton of money on stuff that's not important. I want to at times. I want to just book a flight for Florida and go see friends there or go to Disney and just.. do it. But I can't.
So.. yeah.. that's what is going on in my mind right now. Am I being emo or whatever? Sure. Wouldn't you be?
Johnny |
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| Requests from a tiger. |
[Oct. 22nd, 2009|04:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
This might be a bit odd.. but this is some things that I want
- I want to get a job, soon. I have leads, I have put in applications and there's one that looks ... very promising.
- I would like to get the last two years con books from FurFright that's 2008 and 2009. Did I go to these cons? No. Would I like to? Sure. But I don't think that'll happen anytime soon.
- I would love to sell some of the stuff I have lying around here. From some inflatables (not getting rid of my tiger, but I am thinking of getting rid of others), to rpg's / wargames (varies some Rifts sourcebooks, Dark Eye basic rulebook) , to card games (original killer bunnies decks NOT the ones made now.) , to furry stuff (Wildlife 1-12, Genus 9, Furrlough 1-3 , Shanda the panda, Katmandu, others)
- I would love to get more art. Yeah I have paid for some.. but .. I dunno.
- Would love to be more creative but sometimes there are days where I do .. nothing.
And the last thing I want
- I want things to work out for the better.
Johnny |
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| Alot of mixed emotions. |
[Oct. 13th, 2009|11:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
Been trying to keep my days busy as I am looking for work (and yes, getting unemployment as well). Things are weird tho as sometimes.. I hate to say it..
I hate being a furry.
Because right now there seems to be an overwhelming bit of snobbery or a way to make fun of someone that is actually looking for help, instead of getting the help that people need.
Example. I am looking for two furs in the Washington area Tracerfox and Roci Stone. Why? I haven't heard from either in awhile and I am concerned. Anyway, I go to seattlefurs in a IRC chat room and get talked down to by two 'kids' and one says 'justfuckingoogleit.com'
Wow. Just wow. I am looking for someone or trying to get info on how to find someone and your suggestion is to ridicule me? Not even to point me into a direction that I could pursue some information?
It makes me not want to be furry anymore if people are going to treat others like that and just literally shit on them. Why should people help anyone anymore? It should be everyone fend for themselves.
Being furry doesn't make you special or anything else. Some people think that they can come into this fandom and do as they like and piss off whoever they like with no consequences.
And that's wrong.
People sometimes just want fame, popularity, acceptance and they don't care if they have to tread on some people to do so. And you know what? I am not going to do that. I'd rather be not popular anyway.
Anyway, yeah. Just sitting here. And it's raining and just wondering how to spend the day. :/ |
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| Insight into how to live a better life |
[Aug. 1st, 2009|07:51 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
"When you get on the field, it's all about what you didn't get, who's to blame, who underthrew the pass, who's got the contracts you don't, who's not giving you love. That is not what inspires people. That is not what inspires people! Shut up, play the game... play it from the heart."
For the two people that don't know that was from the movie Jerry Maguire.
I have been guilty of a bit lately. I have been guilty of getting jealous of what other friends have and are getting and felt like I was passed on the sidelines.
I have been jealous of things coming along like toys that I want.. but are so out of reach it's not even funny.
I have been jealous of other furs going to cons that I couldn't go to .. and sometimes getting depressed over it.
Why?
Because lately I haven't been myself. I haven't been the chipper and nice person that alot of people portray me to be.. and that's something that's going to have to change.
Starting now.
If someone goes to a con (did this already with a few people that went to megaplex) I ask them how their con was and if they had fun not lamenting about why I could have gone and all that nonsense. I can't go to alot of cons because I simply don't have the funds for all that.
Am I working ? Yes. Do I get a check every week? Yes. Is there a chance for this to go permenant? Yes.
I need to be grateful for these things and alot of other things right now. Maybe I don't have a giant inflatable husky or I didn't get a birthday celebration that I wanted.. but those things are right now irrelevant.
Because I need to focus on the future.
And the future's so bright.. I gotta wear shades. ;)
Johnny
P.S. At one point I told people I was going to stop giving out pixy stix at conventions and giving people stuff and all that.. guess what.. not happening. As long as I am around and able and go to cons.. there will be sugar and other stuff. ;) |
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| Friends can turn things around |
[Jul. 12th, 2009|04:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
I've been in a pretty sour mood all day stewing over this and when Pawpet started I was in a sour mood.. some people tried to help but.. I pushed them away..
And then as time went on.. I started to get better.. but I think I hurt people as well.
And for that I am sorry.
Am I being selfish? Yes. Will also say that I saw something I wanted online.. an inflatable toy.. and it was I thought $350-450 .. which is kinda reasonable.
It's not..
it's $825.
That's another thing that kinda bugs me. I can't just go out and buy something like that. Something that I've been wanting. I have the money now I can get it.. I can get whatever I want.. but I can't.. it's for the house.
And I see people team up and help others.. and it's like.. but.. what about me?
And that's where it hurt the most.
Now if you'll excuse me.. i'm gonna go have a good cry.. eat some dinner..finish laundry and put these bad feelings to bed. Do I hate Num8 still? Yes. But do I hate my friends for helping him.. never..
Because they were friends.. and friends can turn things around.
Johnny |
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| You probably saw this coming.. |
[Jul. 12th, 2009|06:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
This is a journal about the whole Num8 situation and my feelings on this whole bloody mess.
First a bit of background into what I did and then explaining what has happened for those that don't know.
Back in around sometime Feburary some furs asked me what I wanted for my b-day and it was going to be my 40th and alot of things came to mind but I had heard about Num8's plight and had asked people to donate to his cause. I think I even made a FA journal about it encouraging people to donate. Anyway alot of people got together and for my b-day I really didn't get anything.. but I was happy.
Turn the clocks forward to a few days ago.. when the illusion was shattered. Num8 didn't have cancer. It was a lie.
All I could think about was how I fucked myself over. That's all I can currently think about. If I would have had money I would have donated but I didn't because I was broke during that time and not working. I have tried to shake this off repeatedly and have failed to do so.. the feelings of sorrow and guilt come back over and over.
Because I see furs do something nice for people .. and these people either a) take it for granted or b) it's some lie. I keep wondering when someone is going to do something like this for me.. but then again I know better. I would like one day to come home and get a package from somewhere not knowing what it is and open it up and it's a giant leopard from merek or something like that... but that's a dream.. a fantasy.
The thing that kills me right now? I have the money to get whatever I want. It's sitting in the bank right now. But I don't do it. Because that is being saved for a house. Yes , furs.. I am trying to get a house with my mate and so far I am batting 0 in that game as well.
Am I going to get over this and get better? Eventually. And to the people that will say "Oh grow up and act your age and get over it" let me ask you this.
Have you ever acted your age when your heart was broken?
Think about it
Johnny |
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| Life, AC and a bunch of stuff. |
[Jun. 22nd, 2009|06:17 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  productive | ] |
Hey folks!
First I apologize for not updating this in awhile. I was in a bit of a funk a few weeks ago over something that had transpired and I found out about it.. but.. it's not a big deal and I am not worried about it too much.
So anyway, I am working. Yes it's temp .. but it's temp to perm and it's at the place where two offices were fighting over me. If I get my foot in the door, show them I am ready to learn and take on responsibilities.. then the chances of me moving up is .. well great. ;)
Anthrocon is quickly approaching (yes I cleared it with my temp agencies, relax.. they understand.. I told them it's a family reunion... which is true as I consider alot of you my family.) And I can't wait to go. It's going to be epic on soooo many levels and for those that aren't going.. sorry.. I missed out on lotsa cons that other people go to go to .. now it's my turn. ;)
Drawing for me has kinda grinded to a halt and that's my fault. When I get home from work all I want to do is kinda veg out, relax and have fun and for me picking up a pencil isn't really alot of fun. But am I quitting my art? Hell no.. just it'll be irregular that's all I am going to say.
Anyway, time is growing short and I need to get my butt out the door (working from 7-3:30 IS good! ;) Have a good monday folks! :D
Johnny |
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| Stolen from KP.. YOINK! :D |
[May. 17th, 2009|08:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  silly | ] |
1) Who are you?
2) Are we friends?
3) When and how did we meet?
4) Would you kiss me?
5) Give me a nickname and explain why.
6) Describe me in one word.
7) What was your first impression of me?
8) Do you still think the same?
9) What reminds you of me?
10) If you could give me anything, what would it be?
11) How well do you know me?
12) Are you gonna put this in your journal and see what I say about you?
13) Would you meet up with me? |
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| Wanted to say thanks to all .. and a update |
[May. 11th, 2009|06:13 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
First I got the video that Lunden shot at Furry Connection North and I wanted to say thanks to all that gave me a shout out on the video. Greifer had it right on the video, yes I was being emo (not having a job will do that to you as you have free time to think of other crap that's.. well.. meaningless).
Am I fine? Yes. Did I do anything stupid? No. It'll pass and I just want to say thank you to everyone that helped.. except Greifer... and this is for him.
Fox. When I see you next. Yer gonna get it. And Savannah's going to give it to you. In fact I am looking right at that hyena and he has a grin a mile wide and is rubbing his paws together. He's gonna get you come AC, fox.. so be ready. ;)
Anyway, past that. I am a bit nervous this morning because I have an assignment to go to ! Yep folks, tiger's gonna be working again and to those that truly know me.. I am my happiest when I am busting my ass working for someone else. Call it crazy.. but.. that's what I love to do. I saw the place I am going to be working for and it's called the Sacramento kids home and.. yeah I am a bit nervous on that as well.. seems to be like an.. well like an orphanage. But they don't call that anymore.. they call it whatever people call those types of places nowadays.
It starts at 9 and I have a few hours to kill so.. yeah just relaxing or trying to and giggling at the video Lunden shot for me. So again I thank you all for getting me thru this tough time in my life... things'll get better.. I just have to believe that.
Love, Johnny |
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| Feels like I am broken.. |
[Apr. 23rd, 2009|05:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Seether - Broken | ] |
'cause i'm broken.. when i'm lonesome.. and I don't feel like I am strong enough..
I really don't know what's wrong with me. I really don't. I am getting pissed off and upset over very little things. Are things really bad? Not just yet.. but it's edging towards that point. There are just things that I wish would work out as I am not for lack of trying. Am I applying to places and jobs? Of course I am. Am I calling my agencies? Yes. I am sticking with three of them and dropping two of them (Aijalon and Volt.. because they're not doing anything for me.) '
It doesn't help that FCN is going on right now. Ok, yeah it's not a big con or whatever.. and i'll see most of those people at AC but.. it's a con.. it's an escape from regular life.. even for a weekend. It's like a drug that I need and I can't afford it's habit. I feel as if I am a junkie sometimes and craving a fix or a need or something..
Do I get happy? Sure. But it seems not to last. Because it seems like other people are having fun and I am not.
I am also keeping a mask from my mom .. sometimes she hears it in my voice when I call her. I tell her everything's ok and I am doing what I can to get thru this time in my life. I know she would help me if I need money and it'll prolly come to that.. and I hate myself for it. I don't want to be a crutch for people. I don't feel like costing people their dreams and hopes because I can't get a job.
Now some of you are probably wondering if it's just me being emo or is this a cry for help or whatever else. First off I am not going to slit my wrists or hang myself or go play in traffic. I am sad yes, depressed yes, stupid? No. Not that. Never that. This journal is just me venting and if people are gonna make fun of me for that.. go ahead.. that's why I have a locked comments button and a delete button.
Johnny |
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| Book publishers need to be shot. |
[Apr. 10th, 2009|07:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
http://www.amazon.com/Furverts-Michael-Cogliantry/dp/0811868478/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1239243159&sr=1-1#
go look at that link.. i'll wait..
still with me? good.
Now.. I have to say.. What the FUCK was the publishing house THINKING on this damned concept! 24 pages?! 24 fucking PAGES? What you couldn't get enough content done? You couldn't infiltrate alot of cons and other shit to get crap done? You know what I think I can make a better book with more pages. Here we go:
From Electrons to Fur - My life as a furry / fursuiter
Written by Johnny Blanco
a 128 page book with photos of the life and times of me starting out as a regular kid and going as I have on and on.
Whatcha think? Wouldn't THAT sell better than ding dongs book ?
Johnny
p.s. letter I wrote to this idiot
Dear Mr. Cogliantry,
I have to say that I came across this book over on Amazon.com as a friend of mine brought it up to me and frankly.. I am not shocked or disappointed or whatever emotion that you think that this project was supposed to elicit from furries that are out there. But I will say this.
This book is a joke.
Now I am not saying this as "Oh I am supposed to find this book funny" no.. this book in and of itself is a joke. 24 pages? Tell me is there any text in the book? Is it double spaced? Triple? Did you even bother to do any research on furries outside of watching CSI and the MTV Sex2k episode? And the costumes themselves are laughable as they are very shoddy as no respectable fur would even dream to wear such pieces of crap. Some of these look like overgrown throw rugs.
But I know why you wanted to make this book. You wanted to make a book that would sell and you probably got a huge advance to write something that would trash the furry name and all that. Guess what. I wouldn't pay $12.95 for 24 pages.. I don't care if it's the book of the millenia.. I am not going to do that. There are people that love to poke fun at the unexplained or the unfamiliar and that's how minorities are exploited and have been persecuted for many years. I don't lump myself in with that crowd however as I haven't ran from a lynch mob or whatever else for being a fur.. and that wouldn't happen either.
In closing I am not going to spread the word that furries not buy your book or whatever else. Just letting people know what I think about this book as much as I think about you.
You, sir.. are a joke.
Sincerely Yours,
Johnny Blanco.
p.s. I don't give you any permission to repost or publish this letter.. do so without my consent and you'll be talking to a legion of lawyers. |
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| There are no certanties in life. |
[Apr. 1st, 2009|01:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
I was told that my assignment ended Monday night. I have to go back there today so I can get my time card filled out but other than that.. that's it.
I didn't do anything wrong or anything like that. They're just caught up and barely have any work for their own people. If anything I did a damn good job as with my help they were all caught up.
But yah, unemployed kitty again.. :/
Johnny |
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|
| Lack of posts |
[Mar. 21st, 2009|08:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
Dear furries, friends and family:
Sorry I haven't posted as of late, things here have been.. well.. interesting. It all started a day before my 40th b-day.. when someone calls up at 8:40 in the am and says.
"This is your temp agency.. and well.. we screwed up. You were supposed to start and assignment today.. so.. how fast can you get there?"
Rushing thru the house to get ready I jump in the car and make it there by 9:30. The job is easy.. dead easy.. mind numbingly easy as it's data entry entering stuff from an excel sheet into a d-base (rescuenet). Not hard at all right?
Tell that to the other idiot they brought from this agency. A older woman that was slow as hell and made tons of mistakes! So.. time goes by right? At least a week. They bring in another person and this one is very good.
So a week and half goes by and me and this other guy knock out the 2007 back log and Wensday of not last week but the week before.. they said "Yeah the assignment's over but god.. you did a REAL good job.. have a resume?" So I send it to her when I get home and call up my agency.
I am telling my mom what happened and get a voice mail.. from my manager at the assignment that I worked on! She wants me to go to another office the next day! So I do! :D
I work in that office with very little training, picking up stuff as I go, asking questions and the like and yesterday I asked the manager there "You want me back next week?" And she goes "well they want you at the other office. but we don't want to lose you! you're a great worker!"
So now I have two offices fighting over me :)
OH and the best part? After 3 months they want people to hit 70 tickets entered per day..
I was there a week and a day.. and yesterday I entered in 73. ;)
There were people just hired and have been there for 2 weeks and they can't get above 40! :D
I love it. ;)
Johnny |
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| Counseling for furries |
[Feb. 19th, 2009|07:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sympathetic | ] |
Ok, I heard about what happened with Furp and I am going to throw this out there.
j_blanco2000 is my yahoo id. If you don't use yahoo or are on another client or just don't want to chat drop me a line at johnny.blanco@gmail.com.
I want to be here for furries during this time as everyone has been there for me when I have needed them.
Johnny |
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